How do I speak your name?


Sitting in the darkness with my back against the cold cement wall

head in my hands

knees to my chin

I cry, my sobs as loud as thunder

I’m screaming on the inside hoping that you will notice me,

sit with me.

But you don’t see the scars that wrap around my heart

you don’t tremble with my fear

you don’t recognize the pain in my eyes

or feel the weakness in my knees.

They say that if I call on you

then you will come

If I seek then I will find

If I believe I will be saved, but here I sit again and again

How do I know where you are?

How do I find you when I am alone in the dark?

How do I call your name when I don’t know how to speak it?

Why would you come for me, when I don’t even know who you are?

Yet still I shout from the depth of my soul,


I’m here my child, sitting with you

crying with you, shivering with you, and watching over you

I can’t promise you that all of your heart will be mended by morning

that your fears will disappear

that your tears will release the pain in your eyes

or that you won’t still feel a little weak in the knees

but I do promise

to never leave

to always protect

to love

to comfort

to heal

and to carry you through your darkest times,

together we can mend your heart and make you whole

I can make you new!

I wrote this tonight as I was thinking about all the lost and the lonely. All who are suffering and feel invisible. I know what it’s like to be sitting, sobbing, hopeless and feeling all alone. I know what it’s like to be a Christian and to still feel all these things. Not only do you feel horrible already but then almost a sense of guilt for feeling like God is no where around you but knowing at the same time that He is. Pain can make us think and do crazy things sometimes. Sometimes we feel abandoned by God, like he doesn’t care or can’t hear us, can’t see us. I want to tell you that this is not the case. But at the same time, you are not alone in that feeling. God still loves you, even if you are angry at him. Even if you feel like he forgot about you. He knows what it is like to feel the pain and hurt that the world can cause. He came to Earth as Jesus and experienced this with us.

Call out to him when you are hurting, when you don’t know where he is, yell for him like we yell for our Moms. He hears you, and he is there. Call to him and then be still, be silent, and let him fill your presence with the Holy Spirit. He is our Master protector, healer, provider, comforter and giver of all things new. He loves you more fiercely than we can fathom.

If you aren’t really sure what you think about God, Jesus, Holy Spirit but you are stuck and can’t find a way out then I encourage you to look into your life and really think about how you got here, who you are, what is your purpose, any question about life really. When you don’t know the answer let me tell you that the answer is God. God is how you got here, he is who you are (you are made in his image), your purpose is to seek him, find him and then share his love with others, He is the answer to all things “life”.

Thank you all for reading my words. Thank you for letting me share my heart. I would love to be praying for any and all of my readers so if you have a prayer request leave me a message so that I can pray for you. Don’t journey through your hurt and pain on your own. God sent us Jesus and each other, lets walk this life together!




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