It’s inevitable! At some point in the life of all of us, we experience our first broken heart. This is normally caused due to a break up, usually happening some time in our teen years. This however is not always the cause. Heart break can come from losing a loved one of any kind, losing a pet, a best friend, a mentor, a pastor. Heart break comes in multiple forms.
I was recently asked what the God says about broken hearts and how we should deal with them. So as any normal person would do, I was sent back in time to my first heart break. I was a young teen, I cried for hours, listened to love songs that were definitely not a help, talked to my friends, ate a lot of ice-cream, surrounded myself with things that would make the pain worse and of course kept trying to talk to him and “fix” it. Oh Boy! Let me just say that my experience is exactly what NOT to do.
I have been reading through verses in my Bible, researching articles on-line and looking through books to see what I could find that may be more helpful than my past. The Bible doesn’t specifically talk about a broken heart from a break-up but it does have a lot to say about broken hearts in general. When God created us to love, he knew with that would also come pain. He isn’t blind to our pain and our hurt. God knows what it means to have a broken heart for his had to be breaking when he was watching his one and only son Jesus suffer a terrible death on the cross.Our God, created of all things including the capacity to love has experienced more heart break than we can possibly image. Not only did he watch jesus die on the cross but he has for thousands of years been rejected time and again by his very own creation. So know that you are not alone in what may feel like your loneliest hours. Psalm 34:18 (Message version) says: If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Isn’t this exactly what a broken heart feels like? You’ve lost your breath and can’t find it, the pain seems unbearable and you feel alone. Sounds about right to me. How comforting is it to know that God says he will be right there? Other versions use the term, close to you. You are not alone, God is right there, close to you wherever you are!
We now know that in our time of heart break God is there with us but it is also important to know that he has a plan for you. When we choose to love, to give our love, to share our love, however you want to say it we know there is a chance of getting hurt. The thing is we don’t ever plan for that hurt to come. One of the beautiful things about God’s plan for his creation is that he gave us free will. He didn’t make us to be God following robots who only do what he says, when he says. We were created in his image, to be like him, and to make our own choices. This means we choose who we love and who we share our love with. So let’s make up a scene that many of us have probably lived in real life. I am a female and so I am going to use the name Kaitlin and the term”she” but the word “he” or a boys name can be used interchangeably if needed for you.
Kaitlin was a student at her local high school and had been dating Tim for 6 months now. She was head over heels for this guy. She knew that she loved him, he was her first love. She thought that everything was going great. They had their arguments but who didn’t? Well Tim decided that he and Kaitlin needed to talk. Of course by talk he meant text and so when her phone sang his ring tone she read it as fast as possible, only it wasn’t what she had expected. Tim’s text read like this: “Hey Kate, I’m really sorry but I think we should break up. I really like you but I just don’t feel like we are right for each other. I hope you are ok, Sorry”. Kaitlin is crushed, she’s feeling alone and doesn’t know what to do except cry. We all have been there right? Worst feeling ever! Then we doubt ourselves and wonder what we could have done differently. Should we have been more open, showed more affection, given him more space? What did we do wrong? This is normal. All these questions and doubts are normal. It’s part of the healing process, we always want to know why. I wanted to find out what God had to say. Again the Bible doesn’t specifically talk about dating heart break but it did say this in John 3:17 Jesus answered, “You don’t understand now what I’m doing, but it will be clear enough to you later.” I want to directly follow that with Jeremiah 29:11 I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Do you see what God is saying? He is saying, child I love you. I know that you are hurting and I know that you don’t understand why this is happening right now but please have comfort in knowing that I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out for you. I know what you need and what you don’t need. I also know who you need and who is right for you. Sometimes we love and in that love we grow and we learn more about ourselves, sometimes we learn more about what kind of husband/wife we want and sometimes the pain in the end draws us closer to our Heavenly Father who can bring comfort and heal all things. Psalm 147:3 He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. Trust that he knows what he is doing in your life and that he will heal that broken heart and bring you something better in the end!
Lastly I want to say this, Yes it hurts and it may hurt for quite sometime, but muster up the courage to forgive and prepare to move on. Forgiving when a broken heart is involved is so hard. In personal experience I would encourage you to simply start praying for the one who broke your heart. Pray that they are happy and that they find love. Pray that God blesses them many times over. If you are a believer than you are one day going to be praising the Lord most high and this very person may be standing next to you. In Heaven there is no sadness, wouldn’t it be nice to forgive while here on Earth and then rejoice together in the presence of the Lord? This doesn’t mean that you have to be friends, sometimes being friends isn’t the right thing. Forgiveness doesn’t equal friendship, forgiveness is : to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone) : to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong). Forgive and move forward, God has a plan for you! I want to end with Romans 5:5. I hope that you will find encouragement in it and peace knowing that there is hope in the Lord in all things.
Romans 5:5The Message (MSG) 3-5 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!