April 10, 2015 at 10:26am
Wow, this is hard work! Not hard work because she is a problem, difficult, unruly, or unloving. It is hard because I want to be in and know all of her business. I want to know so that I can help and be included. No these are not bad things, and I am in the “know” with her most of the time. I had always thought that would make things easier. Better indeed but I am not so sure that easier is the right word now that I am experiencing it.
If you know me, then you know that I love people! I am outgoing, silly and loving. I love people so easily and that includes all of Madison’s friends and their families. This is great but makes it a lot harder when there is a falling out of sorts. I want to fix it. I want to jump right in the middle and find out what is happening. I want to talk to that friend, or ask their parent(s) if they know what happened. I want to fix the damage that was done and heal the friendship. I don’t even care who did the hurting, if it was Madison, I still want to do the fixing.
I forget that I am not her teenage best friend, but that I am her Mom. I can offer her advice but then I need to let her try and do the fixing. It’s not my place to get involved or be in the middle. She may have best friends who try and help by being involved but that can’t/shouldn’t be me, no matter how much I want it to be. To be completely honest with you all, that is SOOOOO HARD!
I didn’t realize that going through hurting hearts, and feelings, and confusion with my daughter would also make me have those same feelings. I didn’t know that her break ups would be hard for me (silly sounding I know but my heart hurts along with hers). When best friends aren’t speaking or are down right fighting, it hurts and is hard to give loving, biblical advice. It is hard to watch the distance grow, because it only brings back memories of my own experiences. Who doesn’t want to protect their child from that?
I don’t really know why I felt compelled to write this is except that maybe its because most of our friends don’t have teenagers yet and when you do if you find it REALLY hard for reasons similar to this, then you will know you are not alone.
If you think of it, please pray for me to be the best comforter that I can be in the hard times. To remember that life is hard sometimes, and feeling are hurt, hope seems to be lost, and her heart will be broken more than once I assume, but all of this is normal, and necessary to grow.